What is your vice?

Abraham Hicks say โ€œ๐˜”๐˜ฐ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ช๐˜ณ ๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ, ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜จ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ญ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ, ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜น๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ, ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ, ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ซ๐˜ฐ๐˜บ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ด.  ๐˜”๐˜ฐ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ช๐˜ณ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ฉ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฃ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ช๐˜ณ ๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณโ€œ

Trust me when I say, letting go was one of the hardest things I had to do. Sometimes we can feel so out of control that we cling to the only things in our reach that we CAN manipulate and have power over.  For me, it was alcohol.  For some itโ€™s food, sugar, partying, drugs, spending, gambling, sex, the list goes on. A vice is just that.  A vice, something that has a tight hold on you, and makes you feel in control.  If your mind went to that steel tool your Dad had bolted to his work bench, mine too, haha, and you know that thing held on tight !

Full transparency, the last 18 months have been some of the hardest and greatest I have experienced.  I have found the biggest shifts in my life since I found sobriety. My sobriety provides me the responsibility of maintaining a daily commitment, of taking inventory of whatโ€™s going on in my life and how I show up for the world. It was a vice I needed to lose.  I could no longer let it hold me. My sobriety is part of ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ alignment, itโ€™s the catalyst. And while Iโ€™m not here to promote total sobriety for everyone, I am here for you if you are struggling with addiction.

One question I encourage you to ask yourself is this.  Are you clinging to the control of something in fear of truly letting go.  In fear or what will happen if you let the Universe/God/Higher Power, take over, and truly guide you.  Vices are not usually things that we start doing or consuming knowing it will control us, but then again, the path to hell was paved with good intentions.

I know what it feels like to know there is more out there in this Universe calling out, but have no idea how to figure out how to answer or what to do about those innate feelings. I have also felt like I had failed at goals I had set for myself so many times, another attempt was pointless.ย  I know what it feels like to be at rock bottom, TRUST ME, it’s cold and uncomfortable and scary, but I also know what it feels like to climb up and know without a shadow of a doubt, that I will never go there again.ย 

โ€œLet your Alignment with well-being be first and foremost, and let everything else be secondaryโ€If any of this resonates, reach out. Iโ€™m here for you.

IS IT OK THAT I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT?

Yup. I asked it. The all uncomfortable, all fully loaded for judgement question. Is it ok that I want to lose weight?

Is it ok that I want to have a good relationship with food AND have a weight loss goal? Just to put your mind at ease, I will start this post by saying YES. This is totally ok. No one should shame you for this, and if they do, well, this is another post, but boundaries and ditching toxic people is the title of that one.

Now, let us look at this a little deeper. For what probably seems like your entire life, you have known what good and bad foods are right? This is where your guilt comes from. The pit in your stomach when you get asked if you want dessert, the pre researching menus before dinner with the girls, the calorie counting, the macro cutting, this is where it all stems from. Society over the years has dictated to you what good food and what bad food look like. It is an ever controlling, ever judgmental, unsustainable way of living, raise your hand if you are about DONE with it? Yea, me too.

When I found intuative eating, it allowed me to begin to repair my relationship with food. It allowed me to see foods for what they were, to listen to my body and eat what I wanted, not what I stuffed into a colourful container or dialed into the my fitness pal app, I did that for too many years, to my body, I say I am really really sorry.

If you feel like you need to lose weight there are a few reasons for it. One may be that you do, and that is ok. Another may be because you have in the past, so you know that it is possible for your body, thus making you believe it is what needs to happen. Here’s the thing. We all have a NATURAL BODY WEIGHT, and guess what? That number MOVES! It fluctuates, because you are not a brick, you are a human, and you need to put things INTO your body to survive. The truth is, we can always lose weight, that doesn’t mean we need to OR that it is healthy. Let me ask you something. When you stopped dieting and went up a size, you automatically thought you failed right? That it was bad? Mmmhm. Food for thought. If you had to hardcore diet and restrict to get to that size, doesn’t it make sense that when we stop that cycle we gain weight? If this is the case, I encourage you to look at the cost of dieting for you. What did you have to give up? How did that make you feel?

If you are anything like me, it meant that you thought about food over 90% of the time. That you planned out your meals, that you consciously said no to things like dessert or seconds. Heaven forbid you have something with sugar in it. After all, what would Jillian Michaels say to that? You opted for salad instead of fries, ditched the bun, and probably did everything you could to wait as late as you could in the day to eat. Anyone sitting there with their hand up? Or just me?

Let me ask you something else, 7 months into a pandemic, what are your values now? Have things shifted a bit? Are you ready to just enjoy your body and the food you eat?

Here is where the shift happens.

Focusing on weight loss inherently makes us ignore our body cues. We can’t be hungry we just ate 3 hours ago, I have to be full, my plate is empty, or how about when your friend or partner asks you if you want to split a dessert? Have you ever stopped to think how your body feels that you totally ignored it saying to you ” Fiona, you just ate, dinner, you are having a wonderful time with your husband, I would happily digest half of that big ass butter tart he always wants to split before heading home” But diet mentality causes us to ignore these feelings and leaves us feeling guilty, to hurry up and leave, to rush home, or maybe we eat it but then we feel like shit after because we failed, or we gave in. We deny the gentle que from our intuition, and then four days later after continuing this pattern, we binge eat and decide to say fuck it , this isn’t for me. Just long enough to feel like shit again and find a new diet.

Studies have shown that even contemplating your next diet causes cravings, feelings of shame, guilt, judgement and negative self talk. I mean, is this really why we are here? To look the way society tells us to look so we can fit into a smaller box at the end of it all. FUCK THAT. And if you just said that with me, keep reading.

This is not how things have to be. Repairing your relationship with food AND wanting to shed a few pounds is OK and totally doable. Intuitive eating may not be the fastest way to drop the pounds, but let me ask you something, are you ok with loving yourself through it? If your body needs to lose weight, it will.

Give yourself permission to put the nasty word diet in the trash, and put the words weight loss on the back burner. Give yourself permission to listen to your body and her ques. Give yourself permission to eat the foods your body wants, move your body because it feels good. If weight loss comes, well then it is suppose to, and if it doesn’t, maybe we need to work on loving this body that we have right now a little harder. Maybe we need to dig a little deeper and see what is really going on inside and what other areas are in need of a little TLC and healing.

My encouragement. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind. Eat intuitively. Stop telling yourself foods are bad. You know what your body needs to thrive, you do not need a meal plan or diet to tell you that. Move your body in a way that feels good to you, this may change daily, and that’s ok, because guess what, you are changing daily too.

So, no, wanting to lose weight is not bad. Wanting to feel better in your skin, also not bad. None of these things are ever anyone else’s business and if someone judges your choices, its them you need to remove from your life, not the butter tart. However, you can have a weight loss goal, and love yourself and your life at the same time.

I hope if anything this post has left you with the comfort of knowing you don’t have to feel this way anymore, and to pose the question, is my focus on weight loss helping me feel good, or is there another way I can learn to care for, love, appreciate and respect this body I get to live in?

If you have questions and want some more support and encouragement, book an Alignment Inquiry call with me or comment below and let’s talk.

are you hydrated

How many of us go to bed with water on our night stand, with every intention to drink it when we wake up?Whether you do or you donโ€™t will make a huge difference in how you feel and how your body operates.Can you imagine going 6-8 hours a day without a drink? ๐Ÿ’ฆ

Thatโ€™s what your body deals with at night! It is using what it has to repair, rebuild and digest, and what is it in the morning? ๐——๐—˜๐—›๐—ฌ๐——๐—ฅ๐—”๐—ง๐—˜๐—— Sure coffee has water in it, but I hate to break it to you. Thatโ€™s are just not it. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธDrinking water first thing in the morning immediately helps rehydrate the body. It also helps with moving the lower bowels for regularity in the mornings.

If you are not properly hydrated, body processes do not work as efficiently. I challenge you for the next week to drink a full glass of water or two on an empty stomach BEFORE coffee/tea/supplements, and see how you feel. I GUARANTEE you notice a difference in your alertness and body regularity within a day.And not to add more to your plate, but go ahead and drink half your body weight in ounces a day, k? ๐Ÿ’ฆ

Meet yourself where you are

Right now, during โ€œ insert whatever you call this time periodโ€ you might not have the same capacity in work, in relationships, in routines, in movement, in commitments, in concentrating or, just in your overall daily efforts, right now, like you did one day not long ago.

Shifting your expectations to meet yourself where you are instead of expecting yourself to be able to show up at the same level all of the time is an act of self compassion. Go easy on yourself; let whatever you did today, be enough.

It’s not a butterfly or a bird, but its colourful mum & it still flies

Trigger warning- women tearing other women down ( or trying )

Something happened today that made me question my path. Thatโ€™s a terrifying feeling, especially if you put your heart and soul into what you do. Another women tried to cut me down; and with the words she used, it almost worked. Trust me, lol I have screen shots ๐Ÿ˜‚.

But seriously. Another women dug really deep to say some things that would be personal to me, that she hoped would influence me to stop pursuing my dreams. All because why? I challenged her about something controversial that she posted on the internet. ๐—ง๐—›๐—˜ ๐—œ๐—ก๐—ง๐—˜๐—ฅ๐—ก๐—˜๐—ง. The land of โ€œ hereโ€™s my shit, everyone read it and tell me what you thinkโ€ and it made her uncomfortable. That is some seriously fucked up shit, Iโ€™m not even sorry for swears.

But hereโ€™s the thing, she canโ€™t tear me down. No one can take you off the pedestal that you built your damn self. What happened to me today; it was a gift. I mean; how often do you really get to see how far you have come as a human being ? To work on yourself so much, to ask the hard questions, to make the changes, to set the boundaries. When do you get to โ€œtry your new self outโ€ ? Wel today, I did!

Not 3 years ago I would have been the biggest keyboard warrior. I would have written the novel, I would have had to prove how great I was and how wrong the things she was saying were. But today; I just blocked her. Blocked her again I might add, blocked the personal account yesterday and when she realized she had to message โ€œpatheticโ€ me on her business account, I blocked her there too. No reply. I am strong enough to choose not to engage in toxic behaviour.

Why am I sharing this? Well firstly because I always share stuff; but I am sharing something not so nice that happened to me because Iโ€™m not about the highlight reel life. And secondly because NEVER STOP WORKING ON YOURSELF. Ever. Even when youโ€™re not seeing that itโ€™s working.

Trust, that it is. I got down on my knees and asked for a sign that I was indeed on the right path. I asked to see a colourful bird or a colourful butterfly, and while waiting for Ry at school pick up, I look down to see this. ๐Ÿž As Ry would put it โ€œitโ€™s not a butterfly or a bird but itโ€™s colourful Mum and it definitely fliesโ€

just not smart like that

The things we tell ourselves, where do they go after we say them? Do they just disappear? Do the thngs we say, that create a feeling that create a memory stay stuck somewhere forever? The story that attaches itself to an emotion, where does it go?

It doesn’t go away.

In a lot of cases, it actually plays on loop your entire life.

Grade 7 Science. Mr C sent me home with a D, no heads up to my parents that I was struggling. I mean sure, I knew it was hard for me. Somewhere along the way that year, I figured out why science was hard for me. I just wasn’t “smart like that”

wow.

That one moment, that one emotion that created that story has played on loop my entire life. That one moment, that one emotion that created that story, is the reason I haven’t done a lot of things in my life. I have held back doing a lot of things in this life simply because “im not smart like that.”

While working through a module for my 200 hour Meditation Teacher Training, I got confused during a history lesson, and I watched it happen.

“Fuck why did I think I could do this, this is history, it’s hard, how do you not know this already, Fee, you’re just not smart like that”

I heard it. I heard it LOUD. Though this time, I heard it through different ears, I heard it as a memory. I can’t quite explain that part. But it was a memory, and in that moment as I relived that story, I also watched it die. It was time to push stop on that reel, that had quite literally been on repeat for almost 25 years. It had taught me all that it was suppose to. It hurt me so deeply that I will never forget but it made me so strong that I can now let it go.

That little girl who lived most of her childhood thinking she wasn’t as smart as her friends, that she couldn’t get into University, so she didn’t bother applying, that was ashamed of certain jobs she had because they were “just silly jobs”, that got tripped up on a Buddhism history lesson, that girl, is the strongest girl I know.

I understand now.

re-align with love

The very second we choose a loving thought our emotion shift and our energy changes. โœจ

If you Find yourself in a judgemental thought today I challenge you to stop and pause, and try and see the situation for the first time.

Seeing through the eyes of love means to see something or someone as it is or as they are now, not as it was or they were before it changed. Seeing somebody or a situation as it is right now but not giving energy to how things came to be. Not judging that person based on the things that they may have done in the past leading up to the situation, seeing them with innocent eyes choosing a better thought and aligning with love.

Choosing love over judgement is stepping into alignment, and living ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ alignment is how we find our way back to ourselves.

Stitched Together

If I can ask you, only for a minute, to put everything that is on your mind on pause, to ask yourself a question. I want you to ask yourself, what the lesson has been over the past 7 months or so. If you are reading this anytime other than September 2020, Im referring to the season of pause, covid, quarantine, whatever you have named it. What is the lesson you have been handed called? Give it a name.

There have been multiple times during this ‘season’ I have felt alone, inferior, scared, discouraged, weak, lost and flat out scared. How is there a lesson in this? These feelings hurt and if I am being completely honest, I have found it pretty hard to pull myself out of them time and time again. One thing that has remained consistent for me, is to have FAITH, and to TRUST, that everything is unfolding as it should, or as a past mentor once told me, everything is unfolding perfectly. I cannot tell you why I know that everything will be ok, but I do, I know, one way or another, we will come out of this stronger.

My lesson has been just that. To trust. To trust that when I feel scared I push forward anyways, that when I am discouraged, to look around and remember how far I have come. I have learned that without weakness there would be no way of knowing how strong I am capable of becoming. I have learned that when I feel alone, if I truly look around, I mean REALLY look around me, I am SURROUNDED by love, support, strength, guidance, even if I can’t see it, it’s there.

I have learned that every tear, every anxious thought and feeling, every raised voice, every quiet hug, every subtle affirmation, has been the needle in which I stitch this story together. Because stitched together, this has been one hell of a season.

A season, is the division of a year, marked by changes, and truly, isn’t that life? There have been days that just like the sun, you have been stronger. There have been days that just like the rain, the tears haven’t stopped flowing. There have been days that have been like the wind and just blown by you. There have also been days that just like the wind you have been more powerful that you could imagine. That just like the moon, you have been brighter and bigger than ever before, that just like the moon, you have been a beacon for someone, for yourself.

Without the lows we would never know the highs, without the pain we would never know comfort, without the fear we would never know courage. Without the season, we would never know that it truly is ok, to change.

Realign with your highest self

With this week being one of a lot of changes, some stress and uncertainty it can be very easy to end it feeling a little lost and definitely a little misaligned. If you find yourself feeling a little off, or a little not YOU, here are some things that can help you fall back into alignment.


1. Ask For What You Need This is so important.Sometimes we wish that people would understand us and read our minds. The truth is – they can’t. So in order for you to stay true to yourself, you have to ask for what you need. Everyone doesn’t pick up on sensitivities and details the way that you may, so it’s best that if you need something – just ask.

2. Stand Up For Yourself How many times have you let a relative walk away after saying something nasty to you, and you didn’t respond? You then sit there later wishing you would have said something to that person, but you didn’t have the courage to do it. Or maybe there is a facebook post you have seen that is making you feel a certain way, and you just cant get it out of your head. Yes, sometimes its best to just keep quiet, but not always. You have a voice, for a reason.Instead of regretting not saying something later on, speak up when it happens.Don’t harbor your emotions. Stand up for yourself, and voice your concerns about how that person is treating you or what someone may have said. Sometimes people just don’t realize how they are acting. Communication is the key.You can certainly voice your opinion and concerns in a way that is easy for others to comprehend, and do so with love

.3. Do what makes YOU happy and celebrate your wins! YES YES YES- You all know how I feel about this! Try to do this without fear as well. Don’t be afraid that just because something good happens to you, something bad is going to come and take its place. That is a negative way to view things.There’s always room for more joy, and more joy, and more joy. Don’t dampen the fun by fearing that something will go wrong OR living small in fear of how you may make others fear by BEING HAPPY! Accept the moment and be present in it. Celebrate your wins no matter how small you may think they are. Remember, the universe hears it all, feels it all, and provides more of what you give out, back to you.

4. Go Align Yourself, return to your center. MHMMM, say it like GFY !! Go Align yourself is a term I like to use that means return to your center. You know your place of peace. When things seem to not be working out the way that you had planned, do yourself a favor and don’t get so upset. Go Align Yourself!Find your center and realize that every delay is not a denial.Practice centering yourself, and getting aligned in your moments of doubt, uncertainty, and fear. It’s a great skill to learn because it shows you that you don’t need the outside conditions to change in order to find your place of peace internally.

5. Get Curious If you’re curious about something – explore it.Following your curiosity is a sure way to realign with your true self. You have your curiosity for a reason. How many times have you been intrigued by something, followed that impulse to explore it, and found out something great or new about yourself?

6. Journal Get those thoughts out of your head and onto paper.Write out your feelings WITHOUT JUDGMENT so you can get to see what goes on in your mind and how you really feel about stuff. Keeping a journal helps you get a better understanding of yourself and why you feel the way you feel.Explore some of your deepest yearnings and fears by writing down the truth.

This part is important. One thing I do before I journal, is talk to my inner child. Remember the little girl who was afraid to write it down in case someone would read it? You are not that little girl anymore, but she is still in there. Have a trusting conversation with her during a meditation before you journal, create a safe space for yourself.

7. Accept Your “Good” There may be a million reasons why you think you can’t forgive yourself or you think that you are unworthy. There may be a million more reasons why you think you are a bad person or that you deserve the life that you have (if it isn’t going so well).I am here to tell you – that’s BULLSHIT. Not sorry.You are dishonoring yourself if you are holding a grudge against yourself for something you have done in the past.You are intelligent, you have a source that is filled with insanely powerful energy and possibility backing you, and you are capable of turning things around. Don’t fill your head with thoughts of you being unworthy or bad.You may have made a mistake, yes, but to punish yourself over and over again for it is not doing anyone any good, and it’s keeping you from the newness that is trying to enter your life

.8. Follow Your Heart What is it that you have been aching to do, but you haven’t gotten around to it yet? Your impulses are very important.As a matter of fact, your impulses are drives within you that are leading you exactly where you desire to be.

  • So go and take that trip to a museum that you’ve been wanting to go to. Even if its online with the state of things these days, JUST DO IT!
  • Go and dust that easel off and start painting again.
  • Go and take up that dance class that you’ve been wishing you could take up. I bet there is an online version of something you can be a part of ! Just be open and LOOK!

The yearnings of the heart are not going to go away, so it’s best if you honor them. Following your heart is a sure way to realign with your true self.

9. Acknowledge Your ACTUAL Feelings This is important as well. Say life sucks when life sucks. Say you’re angry when you’re angry. Sugar coating how you feel, does not make it go away.As a matter of fact, the more you deny how you feel, the more it will kick and claw its way to the top to make itself known. Be honest with yourself.There is nothing wrong with being angry or upset. It’s a feeling. It lets us know where we are at in that exact moment, and it also lets us know that there’s some adjusting that needs to be done.

10. Practice More Self-Love Give yourself the benefit of the doubt sometimes, ease up, and laugh at your mistakes.

  • When you realize you’re talking negatively to yourself – readjust your thoughts.
  • When you realize you’re settling or not giving yourself the best – change it.
  • When your inner critic comes up and tries to put his or her input in – say “no thank you”

You’ve listened to your inner critic and your negative thoughts for too long, and it’s time to show yourself a little compassion and love.

In closing,

Keep practicing these things until they feel natural to you, and you’ll realign with your true self in no time. You are imperfect and worthy. Embrace all of your facets. That’s another way to align with your true self.Do anything that you can to realign with your true self (your joy, your center, and your awesomeness).I hope these tips help you along your journey and bring you back to that place that screams HELL YES I AM FULLY COMMITTED TO TOTAL ALIGNMENT.